How to Lead Everyone…Even the People You Don’t Like
The lessons I offer aren’t just theories from a book; they’re drawn from classrooms, conference rooms, and plenty of real-world messiness. If you’re stepping into leadership, or already wearing the title, you’ve probably discovered the truth no one mentions at the start: you have to lead everyone. You don’t get to choose the personalities you inherit, the histories people carry, or the habits they’ve formed. You inherit the whole mix, conflicts and all, and your job is to help every one of them pull in the same direction toward the goals of the organization—whether you set those goals or they were set for you.
That means you can’t let your preferences show. You’re human, so of course you’ll have people who are easier for you and others who take a little work. But it isn’t okay for the folks you don’t naturally click with to feel second-tier. Think of it like a big family gathering: you can still be warm, fair, and respectful with the cousin who gets on your nerves. The more time you spend truly seeing people, the easier it gets to lead them well.
Let me share a coffee story. A few months ago, I invited a long-tenured colleague, someone known for missing deadlines and skipping meetings, to meet me off-site. In academia, tenure means I basically can’t discipline or dismiss him, so I had to lean on leadership rather than authority. I picked a neutral location and blocked several hours on my calendar so the conversation could unfold naturally. He arrived late and flustered, wrong place, excuses, the usual, and I’ll admit my first thought was, “Here we go again.” But I stayed steady. Over the next couple of hours, he told me about his family, his background, the seasons of our organization, and the pride he once took in going above and beyond. Then we reached the core: after years of working hard with little acknowledgment, he had quietly “quit and stayed.” He didn’t leave his job, but he stopped giving his best.
By the end of our talk, he looked at me and asked what he could do. I gave him visible ownership - chair a committee, set the agendas, send the invites, run the meetings. It placed him where he couldn’t hide, tied his identity to the group’s progress, and let his success be seen. He stepped up, not because I scolded him, but because he felt heard. That’s a pattern I’ve witnessed again and again: when people feel understood and valued, they volunteer to become the version of themselves you were hoping to see all along.
I also had to learn (and I’m not proud of how long it took me) that not everyone processes information at the same speed or in the same way I do. That doesn’t make them less worthy of respect. It means I owe them clarity. My job is to teach, structure, and support: clear expectations, simple scoreboards, straightforward policies, and honest, specific praise for real progress. Dignity, honor, and respect are non-negotiables. Everyone deserves them, regardless of role or processing capacity.
The smallest moments carry surprising weight. Not long ago, a student I’d never met came by for a signature on an internship form. I could have signed and waved him out in under two minutes. Instead, I asked how he found the role, what he hoped to learn, and what excited him about the work. Then I shook his hand and told him I was proud of his initiative. That big young man melted right there in my office. I may never see him again, but he walked away knowing he was seen. Your people will carry those moments, too, and they will tell others—about you, and about your organization.
So if you’re wondering how to lead people you don’t naturally like, start by assuming there’s a story you don’t yet know. Invite them to a neutral space. Ask more than you tell. Reflect what you’ve heard so they know you truly understood it. Offer real ownership with clear outcomes and check in with steady encouragement. Recognize specific contributions in public. And above all, keep tying their work back to the larger strategy so everyone remembers why their part matters.
Be the leader you wish you had. When people believe you care about them and want what’s best for them, they will follow you anywhere. They will put in the extra time, guard the pennies, and protect the mission, because they trust you.
Be the hope you want to see. It’s corny because it’s true. If you are good to people, they’ll be good to you. Lead them with steadiness and heart, and they’ll rise to meet you there.
I’m here to help!
-Dr. Lean (April, 2025)
